Wednesday, September 23, 2009

:(

I'm dreading tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow we will know if our littlest one, baby P, is a boy or a girl, but tomorrow we will also know if P is fine and can survive the rest of the pregnancy. Only 99 days to go and I'm praying and hoping that P is OK.

I've noticed a drastic decrease in P's fetal activity since last night. P's a very malikot baby. In a day, I can feel P moving around 40-50 times, but at bedtime last night, I didn't feel P at all. I relaxed and tried to sleep thinking that maybe P has gone to sleep and will resume the kalikutan in the morning. All throughout the day, I was focusing on P's movement. The slightest sign would give me temporary relief, but deep down, I was scared. I cannot afford to lose another baby (read story here). Once is enough and twice is too much even for an endorphin-loaded person like me.

Time dragged at work and as soon as the clock hit 3, I was out. I texted my OB right away, but I have already decided to go to TMC to have P's heartbeat checked. Maski kaninong OB. I was desperate and beginning to get paranoid. The entire trip from my place of work to TMC took about an hour and a half and I only felt P slightly move for 5 times, which is NOT so normal. I tried to remain calm while waiting at the OB's clinic. I browsed my mobile phone for MiLo's pictures to keep myself relaxed. Me being stressed out will do P no good. It took ages before Dr. Torres was able to accommodate me. He checked P's heartbeat and during the entire check-up, I only felt P twice. He assured me that P has a heartbeat, but he advised me to have a BPS tomorrow. I bargained with him if I can have it done on Saturday as I have work. He said NO!

I called my OB when I got home. She advised me to have my congenital anomaly scan tomorrow. I tried to bargain with her again and, naturally, she said NO! She has informed me that if P's state proves to be weak, I can't deliver P yet as P will not survive at 26 weeks. I knew that was coming and forced myself again to remain calm and understand Dr. Toy's instructions. I held back tears until the call was ended.

This can't be happening again. It's been over 2 years since we put Gon to rest and thinking that P might have the same fate crushed my heart. Even if we already have an adorable little boy and we were not prepared for this pregnancy, losing P is NOT an option. We're not giving up. We did not give up on Gon. He went on his own beautiful time. And, I am definitely not giving up on P.

The entire time I was writing this, I felt P moved more than 10 times. I think it's P's way of saying "Yammy, just hang in there. I am fine.". Yes, P. Please stay with Yammy.

This is a sad, first entry for my renovated blog. However, it served its purpose. After I changed the template, I wanted the tone to change, too. I wanted it to become a mother/parent/wifehood blog and document my experiences and anecdotes as Yammy.

Tomorrow we'll know and regardless of the outcome, I'll forever be P's Yammy. Wish us luck.


2 comments:

Vayie said...

Let's be positive here, Tetay. Please don't stress out yourself too much as it will definitely affect the baby. I know you have all the reasons to get paranoid and uneasy because of what happened two years ago but we are all praying and hoping with you that your baby will be okay.

My heart goes out to you and your baby. Hang on.

tintintetay said...

I don't know if it was a miracle or I was just being paranoid, but either or, I'm thankful that all is well with P. I can relax now, but I can't be too petiks until I've successfully and safely delivered our littlest one.

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