Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Unconscious Mutterings #02

LunaNiña said and I think:
  1. Destined :: to be a wife and mom
  2. FAIL :: Algebra
  3. Camping :: Girl Scouts
  4. Only you :: Marissa Tomei
  5. Incessant :: Annoying
  6. Tomorrow :: never dies
  7. Impressive :: Platinum credit card (LOL)
  8. Riches :: Paris Hilton
  9. Dislike :: (too) loud and arrogant people
  10. Speaker :: Jose de Venecia, Jr.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Friday Fill-In on a Monday

I almost missed this due to the busy holiday season, but it's better late than never.

1. I must have raised MiLo to be a good man before I die.
2. You can't stop the world from spinning.
3. I wish I never had to buy baby diapers again.
4. Losing Gon has helped me change my life.
5. I know the song "Lupang Hinirang" by heart.
6. If I weren't so afraid, I would like to get pregnant and give birth again.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending the night with my family, tomorrow my plans include grocery shopping for our team's Salo-salo Together and on Sunday Wednesday, I just want to stay home with my boys doing nothing!
2 days to go until 2009.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Tonight is Christmas Eve

From my family to yours...

Unconscious Mutterings #01

Found another site to entertain me on a dragging day.

LunaNiña said and I think:
  1. Carpet :: dusty
  2. Bottoms :: soft
  3. Music :: loud
  4. Nails :: red
  5. Watch it! :: a raging car on the street
  6. Your life :: complete
  7. Candies :: yummy
  8. Chafing :: catering
  9. Svelte :: what's svelte?!?
  10. Ding :: Darna (a local superhero)

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday Fill-In No. 05

My share for the week:

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep well.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, Merry Christmas.
3. Here comes Santa Claus, Over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, stars shining so brightly.
5. Christ is born, Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing hallelujah.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleeping well, tomorrow my plans include shopping with the family and Sunday, I want to spend time with my little boy, MiLo!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Gearing up for Christmas

By this time, you already know that I have the tendency to become OA with "MiLo's Firsts". Forgive me. I'm a first-time mommy after all. My most recent purchase for MiLo's First Christmas is a holiday hooded top and pants set from Carter's that I bought from Mommy Melody Gonzales' store at I think she also owns/co-owns ChooChooBaby. I wasn't able to take pics of the outfit yet as it went straight to MiLo's laundry basket, but I grabbed a few pics from Melody's site and I hope she doesn't mind. Take a look:

It says "Santa's Helper". Cute isn't it?

I printed another letter from Santa Claus to MiLo. Make yours here. It's a really nice site. Too bad I can't share the letter with you as it can't be saved as an image. I suggest that you try the
site and see for yourself. It's awesome.

13 days until Christmas.

Friday Fill-In No. 04

Here's my share for the week:

1. Friends are strangers you haven't met yet.
2. Good health; it's impossible without self-discipline.
3. I'm ready for the holidays.
4. Calvin Klein's Eternity Purple Orchid is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells.
5. The oldest ornament I have is, unfortunately, none. (The ornaments we have are "disposable".)
6. Take some prepared mustard, mayonnaise, and honey mix it all together and you have honey-mustard sauce.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some grocery shopping, tomorrow my plans include not being late for work and Sunday, I want to just stay home.

What's yours?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Friday Fill-In No. 03

My share for the week:

1. Snow is something we don't have in the Philippines.
2. I'm looking forward to MiLo's first Christmas.
3. Cheeseburger Deluxe is the best Mcdonald's cheeseburger ever!
4. One of my favorite old tv shows is Beverly Hills 90210.
5. I'm done with eyebrow threading.
6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is family get-togethers.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dining out with my family, tomorrow my plans include some more Christmas shopping and Sunday, I want to rest!

Forever Missed

December 5, 2006

Jowell and I could've been parents before we had MiLo, but God decided that it's not time yet. At 9 weeks and 5 days (age of gestation), our Gon went to Heaven and became an angel. Today is his 2nd Angel Anniversary.

To share our story, here's a "copy and paste" from my old blog:

The Greatest Gift

Christmas started early this year for me and Jowell. On November 1st, two days before my 28th birthday, we received the greatest gift ever. Two lines registered on the home pregnancy kit that Jowell bought earlier that week. We are going to have a baby - a blessing we thought we’d never have. We were ecstatic. We both thought that we were not capable of having our own child. But, in God’s own beautiful time, He blessed us with this wonderful gift. But, God had another purpose.

On November 16th, Jowell and I went to our very first pre-natal visit to an ob-gyne at The Medical City satellite clinic at SM Fairview. I was anxious. I am hypertensive and I read on the Internet that the pill I am taking to control my blood pressure is fatal to the baby. While in the clinic and lying on the bed, I kept on praying to God to please make our baby healthy and well. He heard my prayers as the ob-gyne detected a heartbeat on my tummy. I was comforted and had a big smile on my face when I stepped out of her clinic to meet Jowell.

With the doctor’s confirmation, Jowell named the baby on my tummy, Gon. We were not sure of the baby’s sex yet, but Jowell insisted that we call the baby Gon for the meantime. So, on that the day, our blessing was called Gon.

My family was excited upon hearing the news. Yes, they were a little surprised, but the thought of having the first apo and pamangkin made them really, really thrilled. But, the thought of me getting married and living somewhere else bought tears to our eyes. At that time, I was only ready to be a mommy, but not yet a wife. I am 28, with a good job, a loving boyfriend, and a baby on the way, but I was not ready to leave home just yet. I am still a girl with many fears and uncertainties and leaving Mama’s side was not a welcome option. That tensed that situation between me and Jowell. But, being the super understanding boyfriend that he is, he let me have my way.

After the first visit with the ob-gyne, everything was going well. We agreed to have our civil wedding on the first week of January 2007 and have the church wedding sometime in 2008. I was perfectly happy and contented with the way our life was going.

With Mama’s advice to see another ob-gyne from a “more established” hospital, I went to see another ob-gyne at FEU-NRMF on November 18th. Lying on a different bed and a different doctor poking me here and there, I said the same silent prayer. Minutes later, I went out of the clinic with no smile on my face. The doctor said that she detected no fetal heartbeat on her Doppler and suggested that I get a transvaginal ultrasound (TVS) the soonest possible time. I was heartbroken, but my faith and hope did not waver. Dopplers are not very accurate. The TVS would confirm that Gon has a heartbeat and that he is healthy and well.

Armed with my faith, I had my very first TVS on November 20th at FEU. I was scared once more. The result of the TVS was not what we hoped for. It was confirmed that at 8 weeks and 6 days, Gon still has no cardiac activity. A follow-up TVS after two weeks was recommended by the ob-sonologist. I felt numb. But, Mama comforted me saying that some babies are late bloomers and that they show no manifestations of cardiac activity until they are bigger and older. I believed her. With four healthy children she gave birth to, I trusted that she probably knew what she was saying.

I was not scheduled to see my ob-gyne until Saturday. For five days, I was restless, but I was not giving up. On November 25th, upon seeing the result of my TVS, I knew that just by the look on my doctor’s eyes, that it was not good news. Indeed, it was not. She said it could be a case of missed abortion. I have no idea what she meant by that, but the word abortion itself made me wince. She suggested that I undergo another TVS and no longer wait for the 2-week period that the ob-sonologist recommended.

I held back my tears. I was quiet and just staring out of the cab’s window as we were going home from the hospital. I knew that the moment I would speak, tears would start flowing. Mama was very hopeful. She tried to cheer me up by saying that once gets her Christmas bonus in December, we would start shopping for maternity clothes. And once Gon’s sex is confirmed, she’d start buying the clothes and other baby stuff. I was scared, but I managed to smile just for Mama’s sake.

I called Jowell as soon as I got home. The tears that I held back the entire trip going home from the hospital fell the moment I heard his voice. Even without seeing him at that time, I felt his pain. We are about to lose Gon. But we are not giving up just yet.

Every day and every night before the second scheduled TVS, I talk to Gon. I tell him to give mommy signs that he is OK and that he is fine. But, he never gave me a single sign. I kept on asking for God’s grace to please make Gon well. As would-be-parents, Jowell and I held on. We believed that our baby will be OK and that I will give birth to him on May 22nd 2007.

The second scheduled TVS fast approached. On November 30th, together with Jowell, we went to St. Luke’s. The result of the second and my last TVS finally confirmed that our baby, Gon, still showed no signs of cardiac activity at 9 weeks and 5 days. I am having indeed a case of missed abortion.

Jowell was by my bedside the entire time I was having my second and last TVS. We saw Gon on the monitor. He was shaped like a kidney-bean. He was so tiny. But in spite of it all, what we saw was a beautiful baby.

After we had the results, I pretended to be angry. I did not want to talk to Jowell. I did not want him to hold me. I wanted to feel angry so that tears would not fall. Just like the cab ride with Mama, I was quiet. I was looking out the window again, but tears fell silently as I was holding my tummy and talking to God that if this pregnancy was not meant to be, I am praying that He welcomes Gon in Heaven and that He blesses me and Jowell with the strength to accept our fate. I held Jowell’s hand when the “fake” anger has subsided. No words were necessary to convey what we were feeling exactly at that time. We were in pain and hurting, but our love for each other was greater that we stood the challenge.

Together with my sister, Bru, I went to see my ob-gyne on December 2nd. I already knew what she was about to tell me. I was ready, but the pain in my heart was still there. I opted for Gon to pass through me naturally. I just wanted to be 101% sure that there is no longer hope for our baby. My doctor agreed, but she only gave me a week. If Gon doesn’t come out, she has to induce the abortion (I hate that word!) on Saturday, December 9th, to prevent complications on myself.

While waiting for Saturday or for Gon to pass through naturally, I still talk to him every day on my way to work and every night before I sleep. I tell him that mommy’s ready whenever he is. However, deep within me, I was not ready to give up and let go. But, last Tuesday, December 5th, Gon decided that it was time to go. At around 8:30 in the morning while I was having my 15-minute break in the office, I bled. It was not really hardcore bleeding, but as advised by my ob-gyne, I took it as a sign that I needed to go to the hospital imeediately. My lower back was hurting and so was my abdomen. With those signals, I asked my supervisor’s permission if I can go home.

I called Mama first, then texted Jowell next. Mama and I agreed to meet at FEU’s ER. I was admitted before lunch, but Gon was still with me until 7:30 that evening. For 7.5 hours, I stayed at the labor room for observation. Jowell wanted to see me, but I was in a sterilized area so he was not allowed to go. But, I was able to text him, Mama, and Papa to assure them that I am alright and that they need not worry.

For the last time that Gon was still in me, I told him not to be scared because once everything is over, God will be welcoming him in His loving arms. I asked Gon that once he gets in Heaven and he becomes an angel to watch over mommy and daddy all the time and that we will eventually see him in God’s own beautiful time.

Before 7:30pm, I was wheeled to the delivery/operating room. They were preparing me for the D & C procedure. During the entire time I was being “operated”, I felt no physical pain. The anesthesia was doing its magic. Before I knew it, the ordeal was over. As I was being wheeled to the recovery room, I saw Mama and Jowell waiting for me. Jowell’s face was gloomy so I said “Hi, honey,” when my bed passed him. I did not see whether he smiled or not, but I’m sure he was relieved that I recognized him and that I was fine.

I was at the recovery room for two hours. The thought of Gon gone has not sunk into me yet. My head was spinning. The ob resident has asked me if I wanted to see Gon’s placenta. I told her to please give it to Jowell instead and he’ll show it to me. I fell into a deep sleep.

Two hours later, I was being wheeled to my room at last. I saw Jowell first again then, Bert and Chelly. Mama went home to get some personal stuff for my confinement. When Bert and Chelly left, Jowell gave me the box that he bought where we would put Gon’s remains after the D & C. But, the doctors did not give Gon's remains to him for biopsy purposes. They only gave Gon’s placenta. The box was beautiful. It was perfectly fit for an equally beautiful baby. It was just a tiny box with the letter G, O, and N on top. I admire Jowell’s courage for preparing the stuff we need to put our dearest Gon to rest. I saw Gon’s placenta and that immediately bought tears to my eyes. His daddy’s eyes were sad, but I told him to smile. Hakuna matata, honey. No worries. Gon is in Heaven.

I was alone the next day. After breakfast, I was feeling sleepy after taking my medicines. On my way to slumber, I was talking to Gon and asking him to give mommy a sign that he is in peace and that he is happy. I dreamt that he was in a playground. The weather was fair and the sky was blue. I woke up happy. For the first time, our son has talked to me and assured me that he was OK.

I was confined for a day, but my ob-gyne has advised me to rest for a week and better if for a month. I feel OK physically. I can come to work on Saturday already, but my parents and Jowell are all begging me to rest until Wednesday.

The wound from my D & C is healing well. My parents and Jowell are relieved that I’m OK. I am relieved that they are OK. But between me and Jowell, we both know that things are not going back the way they used to be. We are different persons now. Our love for each other is deeper. Our appreciation of our parents is greater. Our faith in God is stronger.

Gon is gone. But, he is still the best gift that Jowell and I have received in our three-year relationship. He has given us much joy and happiness. In the short time he was with us, we felt so blessed and loved. As would-be-parents, Jowell and I are still very much in pain for losing Gon, our very first baby. But, we are coping pretty well. I am thankful that God has blessed with courage and strength and with people who care for us dearly.

Jowell and I are not pushing through with our civil wedding on the first week of January 2007. It will happen when I get “regularized” at work in May. But, Jowell insists that whether I get permanent at work or not, we will get married civilly this year. After losing Gon, that is something I am looking forward to.

In one month, God and Gon have changed my life. I used to be a girl scared of leaving Mama’s side to start a life of my own. Now, I’m a woman. I’m still scared of the things unknown to me, but I have now the courage to face the things I fear. With Gon, as my own angel, I am no longer scared.

Sweet dreams, my beloved Gon.
It's been 2 years and yet after re-reading the story again, it seems that it just happened yesterday. The pain is not as intense 2 years ago, but the longing remains. If Gon lived, he would have been a year and 6 months old.

I discovered something extraordinary when I was computing Gon's age. Remember my #7th Random Thought on a previous entry something about Tuesday's being my (un)lucky day? According to the birthday calculator,
"Your date of conception was on or about 29 August 2006 which was a Tuesday. You were born on a Tuesday under the astrological sign Gemini."
Come to think it. December 5, 2006, the day I had D&C, was also, well, Tuesday! Freaky, but wow!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Your wish is my command.

Our annual wish list day, both at home and in the office, has officially started. We've picked out the names of the persons we'll be giving gifts to. I'm happy will the names I've picked. I'll start shopping come my rest day this week. Happy, happier, happiest.

On another story, ever since MiLo was born I became "obsessed" with his "firsts". I ordered a "MiLo's First Halloween" shirt from Maphine and this coming Christmas I want a "MiLo's First Christmas" stocking. I asked quotes from my two favorite Multiply sellers and personalized Christmas socks don't come cheap pala. I started scouting for local distributors and a contact from Multiply suggested that I make my own instead. So, I did and for only PhP284 bucks. Not bad, huh.

My First Christmas© Personalized Stocking - 1850 (inclusive of shipping charges in US and sales tax)

Red My First Christmas Personalized Christmas Stocking - 1650 (inclusive of shipping charges in US and sales tax)

Our version for only 284 pesos.
(Sorry for the poor resolution as I just used my phone's camera.)

I got both the sock (PhP 109.00) and the bear (PhP 79.00) at Rob Nova's bargain center. I had it embroidered at a stall that sells fans, hats, towels, etc. for PhP 8.00 per letter. Cute naman, di ba?

Also, I printed a "First Christmas Letter" from Santa Claus. You can Google it, personalize it, and print it afterwards. Easy as 1-2-3.

Here's Santa's letter to MiLo:

I'll put it in his Christmas sock. After the holidays, I'll keep it in the time capsule I'm planning to make for him.

Happy holidays! It's 23 days before Christmas.

Monday, December 1, 2008

My Take on Twilight (the movie)

I've read the books (thanks to Jen), I've seen the movie, and it's time for a review. On my Twitter, I left this comment a few days back:

little_tin_star was _________ with twilight. Hahaha.

I intentionally omitted my description of the movie for the benefit of the friends who have not seen it. But, since most of the people I know have seen it, it's time to fill in the blank. I was
a. dismayed.
b. disappointed.
c. either a or b.
Either A or B. The book version is a thousand times better, but the again we need to take some things into consideration. In the book, we imagine what Stephanie Meyer has written. Our imaginations are limitless. In the movie, there's budget and time constraints, the interpretation of the director and the scriptwriter, etc etc. Kudos to them for trying, though. IMHO, the movie is hyped and over-rated. I guess the book set a very high standard and it was a hard act to follow.

I found the movie dragging. The first half-hour nearly sent me to dreamland if not for the kilig I was having even before we entered the cinema. That's the plus factor of Twilight, for both the movie and the book. Just looking at the posters and thinking that I'll be finally watching it was enough to send shivers to my spine.

I hate the part where Edward sees Bella for the first time in Biology class. I know he's supposed to be disgusted, but the movie adaptation was frustrating that it came to a point where it became funny. Bluntly speaking, nag-mukhang tanga si Robert Pattinson sa scene na yun. At least, for me. Bawi na lng kasi nakakatunaw talaga siyang tumitig. Hay!

I wasn't also impressed with (the acting of) Bella's buddies. In the book, I can feel yung kakulitan ni Mike Newton pero sa movie, nada, zero, wala. Parang patay yung mga characters. Walang emotions. Kung hindi lang sila "kulay tao", you'll think they are the undead. Hahaha. Nakakaantok talaga sila.

I'm still hearting Jacob Black, though. Maybe not the actor. Not yet. But, I'm definitely looking forward to New Moon (in 2010) where Jacob's character matures. I like their version of Charlie Swan. He's more daddyish and has humor. I also like the innocence of Jasper and the spunk of Alice.

I was so looking forward to the baseball scene and sad to say it didn't live up to the way Ms. Meyer's described it. In my mind, they were flying, floating on air ala Quidditch, but they played it like "real" baseball lang only that they hit harder and ran faster. Maybe I was expecting too much that I forgive them for this flaw. Mea culpa.

The scene at the ballet studio was definitely a highlight in the book. In the movie, wala lng. Talo agad si James.

Of course the movie has highlights, too. I love the scenes were Bella was telling Edward that she already knew that he was a vampire and Edward asked her if she was afraid. I also liked the part where Edward carried Bella on his back and they went tree hopping.

I wish my Vampire Miggy could do this, too.

I guess I belong to the minority of the book fans who found the movie disappointing. Most people who have not read the book found the movie good. Maybe if I have not read the novels, I would have loved it a lot. I enjoy the Harry Potter movies because I have not read one book.

Now, I wonder why people are even comparing this to Harry Potter? While they border on magic and mystery, these two are totally different except for the fact that Robert Pattinson has appeared in both. But then again, that's for another day.

Yes, I still encourage you to see the movie only to see our own flag in their cafeteria. Seriously, see the movie. I'm going to watch it again and probably I'd appreciate it the second time around.

Did you see it?

Side Story

Twilight is Jowell and I's first movie date since I gave birth. We had fun. We had buffet for dinner at Italianni's Megamall. Too bad I forgot to bring the digicam, but I took some pics of the food we had with my trusty Nokia phone. More photos are in Jowell's phone. Will post these, too.


Edward's car was also on display. Masi mukhang jologs, picture-picture pa din. Hahaha.

I can be the stupid shiny Volvo owner anytime.


As a true Twilight fan, you've probably heard that Stephanie Meyer has Edward's version of Twilight, which is Midnight Sun. This is told from Edward's perspective. Unfortunately, the unfinished manuscript leaked in the Interner and Ms. Meyer appears was disappointed that she decided not to finish the story. If you want Ms. Meyer's to finish the book, please sign a petition to let her know how much we wish that she'll finish the book.


It's 24 days before Christmas and as a first time mommy, I'm just too excited to shower MiLo with gifts. Ever since he was born, I've been eyeing a Jumperoo. It's not available locally and would cost a little over PhP5,000 including S&H. MiLo's 7 months old and he's very active. He likes to play a lot. The thing is, it seems that he doesn't like "high tech" toys too much. Read here.

Should I or should I not?

Fisher Price Rainforest Jumperoo

As of 12/02/08, I've decided NOT to get MiLo a Jumperoo. As I've mentioned to Vayie, maybe I wanted the toy for MYSELF. Too bad they don't come in my size. Hahaha.

I've checked the current price of this and it's at PhP7,000.++ na!
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